Friday, April 20, 2012

Sleep has gone from being that welcome period at night where the body relaxes and the mind goes to play to a nightly game of "Will I or Won't I?" The odds seem increasingly stacked against me.

Take last night for example. After the usual hours of television I found myself dozing in my chair. "Ah!" I say, "Bedtime!" The usual bathroom items accomplished I climb into bed and savor the first few seconds of relaxation in a horizontal position. Sigh….

But the pillow isn't quite in the right place so I adjust it. And my arthritic left knee starts to throb and I twist and turn to find a more comfortable position. The knee is now happier but my left arm is pins and needles while I seem to have an extra right arm that refuses to settle down. My back starts to hurt. My neck is kinked. No sooner is one body part comforted than some other whines and complains. I abandon bed and move to a nearby armchair where the various joints can find a more welcome attitude but then kitty drapes herself over my arm and pins me down, I discover that I've left my favorite neck pillow back on the bed out of reach, and it is cold enough that another blanket would be nice. So I fetch the pillow, wrap myself in an extra blanket, re-position the cat, and realize I need to make another trip to the bathroom.

You're probably already a step ahead, aren't you. By the time I get back from the loo and re-adjust and re-assemble and re-align sleep has receded. Last night I listened to night noises. The countryside has an interesting assortment of those and it was Lonesome Cattle Calls at midnight.

Cow Number One: "You there?"

Cow Number Two: "I'm here. You there?"

Cow Number One: "I'm here. You there?"

Only slightly better than when the local dogs bark their version of "Me!", "Me!", "Me!" at Oh-Dark Thirty.

I listened to the occasional truck on the highway and the sound of the ocean surf. Sound carries in amazing fashion around here.

Eventually - a long time later - I fell asleep...

And woke up at the usual too-early hour this morning.

Nap anyone?

Thursday, April 19, 2012

A couple of friends have commented recently about my lack of blog entries. I resisted the impulse to tell them how lucky they are. From the outside my life looks serene, calm, and orderly. Looks. In here it is an aquarium in free-fall from the top a ten story building. There has got to be a bang and crash just about to happen. Or maybe not?

You see, the moment I think I know where I am and what I'm feeling… I'm no longer there. Think about the feelings and they change, shift, realign, or evaporate. Whoop-de-doo and Tra-La-La where am I? Who am I? Darned if I know.

Yes, there is a lack of focus. My brain is all fuzzy around the edges and somewhat soft in the middle.

So dear pals, if I get to a place in the time continuum, or a place in the time continuum, and can find my footing (and then assemble a coherent thought or two I will place them here. In the meantime just imagine that you are one of the gazillion motes of dust on the side table and can hear me during the nightly news.